Kiss Them for Me

The only people that make plans on Valentine's Day are trying to prove something. The couples crowding every decent restaurant in the city are amateurs. The real lovebirds are at home doing the same thing they do the other 364 days out of the year: keeping a relationship going.

Courtship has its moments to be sure, but I think the real honest-to-goodness, knock-your-socks-off, head-over-heels moments happen much later.

For those currently without partner: you know relationships are a real pain in the ass. Acting like the best version of yourself for someone else is downright exhausting. To quote Sarah Vowell,

Some afternoons a person just wants to rent Die Hard, close the curtains, and have Cheerios for lunch.

When you're flying solo, if you want to crawl home from the bar at all hours, miss a few showers, and spend your free time rubbing your naughty bits raw, well then that's your business, isn't it?

Herewith, a few suggestions for your Valentine's Day:

I recently saw Sleeping Dogs Lie and thought it was just lovely. And any movie that can deliver the line, "Does anyone here other than me know what canine semen tastes like?" and still have me describe it as "lovely" is surely worth a viewing.

Have a listen to (and ignore the video of) Philip Glass' Einstein on the Beach and experience Sigur Rós' Glósóli. True love from the very first listen.

One cannot let the sun set on Valentine's Day (or any other day, really) without drinking deeply from Uncle Walt's well. I Sing the Body Electric if you can manage, Sometimes With the One I Love if you prefer, but Whoever You are Holding Me Now In Hand is a must.

Now, enjoy this virtual cupcake (the rest of which were given to coworkers today) and go home to nurse a bottle of cheap vodka and cry over the one who got away. But whatever you do, stay away from the Cure's Pictures of You.

In fact, stay away from the Cure altogether, unless you want to spend your evening fetal wondering how it all went so wrong.

But before you get too caught up in this non-holiday, remember that all the tacky pink and red sentimentality will be clogging bargain bins come Friday but vAnnie will still love you.