Wednesday, October 31, 2007

The Worst Thing to Say

It finally happened. I've heard people say this on television and in movies but I never, never thought this was ever uttered in real life. On an idle Tuesday morning after some light chitty chat, someone on the van actually asked me this question:

So, what does your husband do for a living?


Honestly, who would say such a thing in this day and age? It's not so much a question as an opportunity for judgement, appraisal, and outright nosiness. I've been racking my brain since yesterday trying to fashion an appropriate response to this inappropriate question.

Herewith, a sample:

Oh, Steve? Well since we lost everything after Enron collapsed, he's been dropping fries at the Burger King on Main. He's got a great discount!

John is a "Power Seller" on Ebay.

Oi, Gladys Kravitz, how is my husband's chosen occupation any of your fucking business?

He's Mr. Mom to our two Boston Terriers.

Alex has had some trouble holding down a job since he got out of jail, but we always have Jesus.

Sarah and I have been together for 11 years now and she's a district attorney.

I drop him off at adult day care before I catch the van.

Pete is relapsing pretty bad so I haven't seen him in about a week.

My baby's a kept man, he don't need to work.

As the rules of decorum and good manners dictate, never ask anyone this question - especially not a wise ass like myself who will spend too much time obsessing over the perfect answer while taking extra time to think the worst of you.


byoolin said...

Feel free to use any of these:

He's the Treasurer of [name a state]'s chapter of the North American Man-Boy Love Association.

Well, right now, he's campaigning to be the [pick one] Party's candidate for President.

"Do"? After what happened to him last month? I can't believe you'd ask that question.

"For a living"? Listen, we're just happy that the machine allows him to "continue" living.

Dresses as a woman and rides in a vanpool for a reality show on FOX.

peripheralvisionman said...

Anonymous said...

so....what DOES your husband do for a living?????

vAnnie said...

byoolin, I can always count on you for a NAMBLA reference.

Peripheralvisionman, Thanks for the info although all revenue generating schemes originate from my blog PR manager. If I did manage to turn a profit from this blog that means I could quit working - but then I would have no need for the vanpool and my source material would dry up.

As for the 64K question: What DOES my husband do?

Albert is a wedding consultant.

Will works his corner in Midtown like nothing you've ever seen.

Ronald is a bat boy for the Houston Astros.