Friday, October 3, 2008

The Hits Keep Coming

An open letter to the woman who rear ended my husband at a stop light this morning.

Dear Fleshwaste,

I can certainly appreciate that the intricacies of piloting a motor vehicle are difficult. What will all the staying awake and occasionally looking at the road, it is indeed a taxing activity.

I also suspect there are additional challenges associated with driving a vehicle the size of a Stegosaurus.

After living in Houston these past five years, I have become largely inured to the antics of my fellow drivers - I have minimal expectations of you.

You have every right to drive your behemoth vehicle, take up multiple parking spaces, bully small car drivers, and behave as a general menace.

But please, for sweet Christ's sake, keep your goddamned foot on the brake.



You see gentle readers, when my spouse got out of his car to assess the damage, the woman who hit him meekly said, "I didn't have my foot on the pedal."

She didn't have her foot on the pedal of a vehicle that, according to the manufacturer's website, weighs in at 5,928 pounds.

The best part? We purchased our brand new car 6 days ago.

1 comment:

byoolin said...

Excuses the driver considered and rejected before using "I didn't have my foot on the pedal":

(a) I didn't have my eyes on the road.
(b) This happens to me *all the time.*
(c) What, you didn't see me coming? Next time, get out of the way!
(d) You scratched my bumper!
(e) Yeah, so?